Capitol Rioter Moved to Virginia Jail for Organic Diet

Illustration for article titled QAnon Shaman Moved to Virginia Jail So He Can Be Provided With Organic Foods

Photo: Sau Loeb (Getty Images)

Maaaaan, to be white and a terrorist.

Jacob Chansley, the QAnon Moron…I mean, Shaman, was moved to a Virginia jail Thursday after a federal judge ordered corrections officials to provide him with organic food. I know some of you are confused as to why legal officials in America—who would likely tell Muslim terrorists who stormed the Capitol building in an attempt to overthrow the government that they’re lucky they’re not being waterboarded for breakfast—would provide such accommodations to an alleged insurrectionist. All I can say is that America is still America.

The Associated Press reports that Chansley was transferred to the Alexandria Detention Center after his attorney complained that he had gone nine days without eating and had lost 20 pounds since being transferred from Arizona to Washington, D.C. Albert Watkins, Chansley’s attorney, argued that his client considers organic food to be part of his “shamanic belief system and way of life” and said that “non-organic food, which contains unnatural chemicals, would act as an ‘object intrusion’ onto his body and cause serious illness if he were to eat it.”

One would think that if maintaining such a restrictive diet was so vital to Bravefart’s survival, he wouldn’t have put himself in a position to go to jail where grass-fed cattle burgers and fertilizer-flavored Fruit Roll-ups are not likely to be readily available.

But nah, that’s negro criminal logic. It’s different when you’re white…and blue…and fur-covered with fucking horns sticking out of your weird-ass head.

Attorneys for the D.C. Jail where Chansley was being held “said they could find no requirement for organic food in shamanism,” according to the St. Lois Post-Dispatch. But don’t worry, I’m sure that’s not a slap in the face to the millions of Muslim inmates who have been denied halal food that is actually consistent with their religious diets because, apparently, whether or not Muslim prisoners have a constitutional right to those accommodations has been a whole-ass controversy for years.

Maybe this is the reason why that one white lady who participated in the Jan. 6 Caucasity Crusades and proudly said she’d “do it again” was bold enough to ask a judge if she could take a vacation in Mexico.

It’s almost as if these people figured their whiteness would shield them from the harshness of the consequences of their actions, and America keeps vindicating that sense of entitlement by honoring their privileged-ass requests.

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